7 tips for dealing with tantrums

First of all, all toddlers throw tantrums. They’re too young to know how deal with their intense emotions, and their kicking and screaming are their way of saying, “I’m frustrated, I don’t like what’s happening, and I’m going to make sure you know it.”
That being said, you can’t let your toddler’s tantrums control you. Giving in to them teaches him that tantrums are 1) effective, and 2) a perfectly acceptable way of behavior. So, one of the most important parenting skills is to be able to deal with tantrums in a firm but positive way. Here are some parenting tips on avoiding tantrums, and dealing with them.

1. Use routines and transitions

Many tantrums can be averted with a little planning and sensitivity. Don’t feed your child’s frustration by starting activities knowing that you will have to end them abruptly. Toddlers like predictability and are creatures of habit—so a routine will be calming and also very effective at setting rules and limits. “We only watch cartoons for one hour, then we go to the park.” Or, “We eat at the dining table, not on the bed.” Do this every time and your child will take it matter of factly, and not put up a fight. It also helps to give a heads-up for any transition: “We will leave after bath time” or “Three minutes and we pack up the toys and get ready for bed.”

2. Watch for tantrum patterns

Take note of when your child usually throws tantrums. Does he get agitated in large crowds? Does he usually have meltdowns after 4 pm? Knowing the tantrum triggers can help you take steps to avoid or prepare for tantrums: don’t go to the supermarket until your child is in the best possible mood, like after a nap or a meal, or start calming activities like a bath and book time once the clock hits 4.

3. Give two choices

Tantrums are a part of your child’s desire to assert his independence. You can give him a sense of control, within acceptable limits, by offering two choices: “Time to dress up! Do you want to wear the red or the yellow shirt?” Or, “Let’s pack up the toys. Do we start with the blocks or the books?”

4. Don’t be an audience

When your child throws a tantrum, first make sure he is safe and then ignore him. Don’t negotiate or argue, because he is not going to listen and you will only be caught in a power struggle. Also, by stepping back you also help yourself calm down—and you need to stay calm, because if you lose your temper you lose control of the situation. (If you have a tendency to yell, here are tips on how to stop yelling at your preschooler.)

5. Teach him how to communicate feelings

“Label” the feeling so your child gradually learns how to express what he feels in another way. “You are frustrated because your toy broke,” or “You are tired and want to go home.”

6. Teach calming techniques

Teach your child to relax, by taking 5 deep breaths, or going to a “quiet place.” Only talk to your child when he is calm.

7. Don’t belabor the point

When your child has calmed down, don’t stretch the argument. Just say very simply that you did not like what he did, and then explain what behavior you expect. Then, hug him and say “I am glad you are feeling better” and move on to another activity. Don’t mope or make fun of what he did.

Is your preschooler too pushy?

Social skills don’t come naturally to young kids. Some are really shy and withdrawn, and others become a little bit too rough and pushy. Maybe they grab toys or insists on setting the rules (causing, of course, the shy kids to withdraw even more).
Pushy or aggressive kids aren’t bullies. They’re just learning how to deal with others and to balance their own need for control and independence with the art of “playing nice.” However, if they are allowed to do this, their playful aggression can eventually lead to more destructive behavior like kicking, biting, hitting, etc They aren’t intrinsically mean but they just don’t know any better! Here’s how to help.

Allow a little roughhousing

Boys will be boys and a little rowdiness is par for the course. Just keep an eye out between spirited play (a fun sword fight, arm wrestling, etc) and intentionally hurtful behavior. Also provide toys and games that won’t inadvertedly hurt a friend. For example, play sword should have rounded ends or ideally made of soft rubber.

Call attention to bad behavior

Listen in on what your kids say and pull them aside when they say something a little off. “You’ve hurt Karen’s feelings and she might not want to be your friend anymore.” Don’t reprimand in front of the friend, though, because it will embarrass your child and push her on the defensive.
Also, setting ground rules for playdates minimizes the power struggles. For example you can say “Hitting is never okay” and “Take turns with a toy or we will take it away so no one can play with it.” (Read tips on teaching your child how to share.)

Watch for triggers

Some situations may seem to bring out your child’s most aggressive behavior. For example if your child is overcompetitive and tends to act up when he’s about to win or lose a game, then sign him up for a group sport like soccer where he will have to work with others.

Teach problem solving

Don’t just berate your child for bad behavior. Talk about what he can do next time: “what’s a nicer way to get your turn at a toy?” or “What’s a friendly way to tell your friend not to grab your book?”
Also distinguish between emotions and inappropriate responses. “it’s okay to be angry at Jimmy for tearing your book, but it’s not okay to bite him.” Help him identify emotions like disappointment, frustration and jealousy so he can express them without violence or aggression.

How to teach your toddler to recognize letters

We can sing “The Alphabet Song” until we’re blue in the face, but even if our kids can repeat the song after us, they may not realize those sounds are connected to letters, and the letters are combined to make words.
These tips can help your child recognize letters and letter sounds, through activities that are completely age-appropriate. Best of all, they’re fun—so even if your toddler doesn’t immediately learn how to read letters, he will feel that letters (and reading) are totally awesome. And that’s the best, brightest start!

Take it one letter at a time

It can be confusing to see all 26 of the letters at the same time. So instead of breezing from A to Z, try the classic Sesame Street approach: “this day (or week) is brought to you by the Letter A, and th number 1.”
If it’s the “A” week, put posters of the letter “A” around the house. Cut his pancake into the shape of an “A”, and serve it with apple juice. Point out things in the house and in the park that start with A. Remember to over-enunciate and repeat the “a” sound. “’A’ is for ant. A-a-a-ant.”
Then go to the letter “B”, and then “C”. (Or, you can do all the vowels first, before going to the consonants.) Review periodically. Don’t progress until you’re sure that your toddler can tell the difference between the letters.

Get tactile

Tactile is child development speak for “use hands.” Toddlers learn by touching and tinkering. Try simple craft activities. Cut out a large letter “A” on a cereal box and have your child paint it or cover it with rolled up pieces of crepe paper or macaroni. Look for the letter “A” in old magazines and newspapers and cut it out and paste on old cereal boxes. Your child can see how the “A’s” look different but are still the same. Play with blocks, refrigerator magnets, and alphabet puzzles: “Where is the A?”

Keep it fun and light

Don’t drill your child. If you see your child is losing interest, take a break and back off. Trust that by mere exposure and repetition, your child will be able to get the concept.
Also look at your child’s learning style. Does your toddler like music? Then sing it. Appropriate an old nursery rhyme and change the lyrics: “Mary had a little A, little A, little A…” If your child enjoys jumping and running, spread large foam letters on the floor. “Jump to the A! Jump to the P!”

Traveling While Pregnant

Everyone loves a vacation, and sometimes getting away from it all is just what the doctor ordered. But if going on vacation means traveling any great distance, you might want to think twice.

"If you're 28 weeks pregnant, this isn't the time to fly to Hawaii," says Ralph Dauterive, MD, chief of obstetrics and gynecology at the Ochsner Clinic Foundation in Baton Rouge, La.

"When my patients ask me whether it's all right to travel, I always ask them if they really want to hear my answer," says Dauterive. "Why are you taking a long trip when you're pregnant? How many times in your life are you going to be pregnant? What's your priority?"

That said, however, Dauterive adds, he's not nixing travel for all pregnant women, or for the entire term of their pregnancy. For women who are experiencing an uneventful pregnancy and are at low risk for complications, Dauterive generally considers it safe to travel until 28-30 weeks of pregnancy.

After that, he explains, the risk of preterm labor and complications such as ruptured membranes and bleeding, go up. If that should happen, it's best to be within 90-100 miles of your doctor and your hospital so you can get to them when you need them.

"Late in the third trimester is when things are going to happen," says Dauterive. "Traveling at such a time is not the best idea."

If you're having a complicated pregnancy or have conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes, traveling at all is a no-no, Dauterive says.

It's not just being able to guarantee that you get the best care that makes staying close to home at the end of your pregnancy a wise choice, says Dauterive. It's making sure your baby has what he or she needs as well. "If there's a problem with the baby, and you're not at a hospital that can handle the problem, you're really rolling the dice," he cautions.

Mark Kufel, MD, an ob-gyn at Michael Reese Hospital in Chicago, takes the approach that pregnancy is a natural, physiologic process, and not a disease. His approach to prenatal care, he says, is based on this assumption, and that includes his views on traveling while pregnant.

"Travel is no more dangerous for the pregnant woman than for her non-pregnant counterparts," he says, adding, however, that some adjustments should be made.

Kufel usually recommends a maximum of six hours a day driving over long distances, with frequent breaks along the way. "This is usually the case anyway," he says, "as the bladder seems to require a little extra attention as well!" Stopping every two hours or so and walking around for 10 minutes will usually suffice. This increases blood flow from the lower extremities, he explains, and lessens the risk of blood clots, which is increased in pregnancy.

Continue to use your seatbelt when in a car, says Kufel, but as your pregnancy progresses, wear it under the abdomen. Extra pillows are also helpful in keeping you comfortable.

When it comes to flying, I. Dale Carroll, MD (aka "The Travel Doctor"), says what is and is not advisable varies greatly from one pregnancy to the next, but some general rules do apply.

For starters, she says, air travel can increase your risk of dehydration. To prevent this, drink plenty of fluids throughout the flight (but not caffeine or alcohol as these aggravate dehydration). Extra fluids may also help prevent constipation, another aggravating difficulty in pregnancy.

Prolonged sitting, especially in a cramped position, can also cause blood clots in the legs and pelvis. To minimize the risk, sit in an aisle seat so that there's room to stretch and more freedom to move around. If possible, upgrade to business class for the same reason. The extra legroom can also help prevent the swollen feet that so often complicate pregnancy.

"Don't sit for more than 90 minutes without getting up and walking around," advises Carroll.

Pregnancy, with its increased demands on the heart, can make high altitudes difficult as well, says Carroll. Because commercial airliners are pressurized, airline flights are not a problem from this standpoint unless you have heart or lung disease. But traveling to a high altitude destination could be an added stress and should not be undertaken without your doctor's go-ahead.

Many of the complications of pregnancy should also cause you to think twice before undertaking any long trips, Carroll says. If you've had bleeding during any trimester, you probably want to make sure you're in a situation where prompt medical attention -- and a safe blood supply -- are available. If you're at risk for premature labor (if you're carrying twins, for example, or have already had a pregnancy with premature labor), you may also want to stay home near your doctor. And if you have diabetes, when tight blood sugar control is so important, you may not want to change time zones and recalculate your insulin dosages.

Carroll also says it's wise to check airline rules and regulations when traveling while pregnant. Many airlines will not allow pregnant travelers to fly beyond a certain point in their pregnancy or without a note from their doctor.

And as long as you're checking ahead of time, adds Dauterive, look into your healthcare coverage. In certain managed care contracts, if you travel and deliver past 28-32 weeks outside your geographical coverage location, you may find yourself responsible for additional costs.

Planning ahead is key, agrees Kufel. If you're leaving the general vicinity of your home, he recommends taking along a copy of your medical/prenatal records. This way, if you do need medical care, you have the basics with you. This includes your medical history, your prenatal lab work, ultrasound reports, etc., all of which can be helpful in case of an emergency. Kufel also recommends asking your own doctor for a recommendation for a substitute physician in the area where you'll be traveling -- just in case.

Finally, when we're all a bit stressed out -- pregnant or not -- Kufel cautions that stress can manifest itself in a number of ways, including preterm labor or preterm contractions. "Education is key," he says. "A prepared patient is much more able to cope with stresses ... if she knows what to expect, and how to deal with the possible complications."

25 Manners Kids Should Know

Your child’s rude ‘tude isn’t always intentional. Sometimes kids just don’t realize it’s impolite to interrupt, pick their nose, or loudly observe that the lady walking in front of them has a large behind. And in the hustle and bustle of daily life, busy moms and dads don’t always have the time to focus on etiquette. But if you reinforce these 25 must-do manners, you’ll raise a polite, kind, well-liked child.

Manner #1

When asking for something, say “Please.”

Manner #2

When receiving something, say “Thank you.”

Manner #3

Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.

Manner #4

If you do need to get somebody’s attention right away, the phrase “excuse me” is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation

Manner #5

When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later.

Manner #6

The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.

Manner #7

Do not comment on other people’s physical characteristics unless, of course, it’s to compliment them, which is always welcome.

Manner #8

When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.

Manner #9

When you have spent time at your friend’s house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.

Manner #10

Knock on closed doors — and wait to see if there’s a response — before entering.

Manner #11

When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.

Manner #12

Be appreciative and say “thank you” for any gift you receive. In the age of e-mail, a handwritten thank-you note can have a powerful effect.

Manner #13

Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.

Manner #14

Don’t call people mean names.

Manner #15

Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel.

Manner #16

Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.

Manner #17

If you bump into somebody, immediately say “Excuse me.”

Manner #18

Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don’t pick your nose in public.

 

Manner #19

As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.

Manner #20

If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say “yes,” do so — you may learn something new.

Manner #21

When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.

Manner #22

When someone helps you, say “thank you.” That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers!

Manner #23

Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do.

Manner #24

Keep a napkin on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.

Manner #25

Don’t reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

What Does it Take to Raise Happy Children?

Well-intentioned parents often try to foster happiness by giving their kids pleasurable experiences. Yet what children really need is to learn how to create and sustain joy on their own, says Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., a noted child and adult psychiatrist and coauthor of the bestselling Driven to Distraction. In his new book, The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, Dr. Hallowell, an instructor at Harvard Medical School in Boston, outlines five things kids need most to build a lifetime of self-esteem and confidence. They are:

1. Connections. Feeling rooted gives children a foundation of security. Children need unconditional love from one or both parents and benefit when they have close ties to their extended family, feel part of their school, and help care for pets.
2. Play. Make sure your child's free time isn't too programmed and regimented. Open-ended play, in which children can invent scenarios and solve problems by themselves, helps them discover their talents and use their own resources.
3. Practice. When kids find out what they're good at, they'll want to do it again and again. But sometimes you may have to do some gentle nudging to ensure that your child sticks to an activity and experiences a sense of accomplishment.
4. Mastery. From practice comes mastery. When children achieve a skill -- whether it's learning to tie their shoes, play the piano, or build a birdhouse -- they're further motivated to tackle new challenges. And that leads to a can-do attitude.
5. Recognition. Approval and support from one's parents, teachers, and peers for a job well done reconnect children to the wider world. When kids think what they do affects their family, classmates, and team, they're more likely to exhibit moral behavior and, ultimately, to feel good about themselves.

Fortunately, one step leads naturally to the next and the cycle is self-perpetuated, explains Dr. Hallowell. You can lay the groundwork at an early age. Give your child these five key qualities, he says, and you will greatly increase her chances of leading a joyful, meaningful life.

Is Oral Sex Safe During Pregnancy

This may seem like a strange question, but when it comes to sex and pregnancy couples often wonder what is and isn’t okay to do and this particular question may be awkward or embarrassing to ask your doctor.  Generally, receiving oral sex from your partner is not something to worry about during pregnancy.  There are some things to keep in mind though.
One concern a couple might have is that oral sex might introduce bacteria into the vagina.  This is really only a concern if your partner could have an STD.  If you are in a monogamous relationship and there are no risks of getting an STD from your partner, oral sex is really not much different than the exchange of fluids that happen during kissing.
Aside from STD concerns, the other thing that couples need to be watchful of if they have oral sex is that the partner does not blow air into the vagina.  This can create an air embolism which could be dangerous for you and your baby.  This rarely happens, but it is something that couples should be aware of.
One final concern is premature labor.  If you are at risk for having premature labor your doctor may advise you to avoid orgasm.  An orgasm can bring on contractions which could cause early labor.  If your doctor has advised you to abstain from intercourse, you should make sure you have the green light on any type of sexual stimulation that could bring on an orgasm as this may be something that should be avoided all together.  If you are earlier than 37 weeks pregnant and have contractions after an orgasm that last for over an hour or are painful you should consult your doctor.